Posts under ‘Funny Jokes’

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom quietly slipped the pastor a $100 bill.
“Reverend,” he whispered, “I’d be mighty obliged if you’d just happen to forget the part where I promise to love, honour, obey and be faithful to my wife forever.”

The time came for the groom’s vows during the actual wedding service.
The pastor looked the [...]

Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine’s Day was “the card.” I picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed.
She got mad with me anyway.
Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum.
How in the hell am I supposed to know what it’s called!
and
One of my [...]

After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. “That’s still quite a bit,”
Tom grouched. [...]

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom’s and bought a pair [...]

A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days. The husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes to the bedroom where there laid out on the bed was a Superman costume.
The [...]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, ‘Do you know me?’
To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’
Now his mind travels back to the only time [...]

Young Sarah, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Barry, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Barry clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Sarah called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
Barry smiled and he replied, “It was an ID [...]

A man is walking down the street when he hears a voice, “Pssst.. you.. come over here!”
He looks round and can see no one but an old mangy greyhound lying on the footpath. “yes over here!” said the greyhound. “Look at me I”m tied up here, why my owner is in the bar drinking. [...]

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail.
The vet was confused and asked “Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy.”
The man replied “Well the wife’s mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there [...]

December 25 is awkward when it comes to greeting other individuals.
While most people have grown accustomed to avoid using the C-word in public, the new recommended politically correct greetings may come as a shock. Gone are familiar substitute greetings such as Happy Holidays and Season’s Greetings.
Happy Holidays is offensive on a number of levels.The word [...]